the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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