ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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