If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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