We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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