I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
