I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
