Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
