guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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