what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
