So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
