windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
