trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
