Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
