i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I want is dick and wine.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
