areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
