i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
