I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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