I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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