Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
