I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Houston, we have a blender
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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