i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Randomize
