so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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