? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
