yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
