Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
