People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
