I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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