also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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