You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
