drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
