I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
