$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
