on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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