One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
