My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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