yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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