why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
