Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
