I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
