And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I believe in your delicious
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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