just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS