how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
