ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.