Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.