I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...