im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.