I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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