Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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