I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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