do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
