i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
