I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
