I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
