I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did I show you my penis last night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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