The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
