I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
