did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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