just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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