Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
