i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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