And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
