Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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