he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
