I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
