Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
