i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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