Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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