You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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