i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
