Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
