paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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