I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My dick has a subreddit
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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