Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
