Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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