Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
