Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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