You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
