maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize