belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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