My nipple is on Facebook.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize