i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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