the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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